But I already love her to buckle bits....

Yesterday your sister Kassidy and I had a difficult morning. Not that anyone did anything wrong but she had questions about when you were coming home and I couldn't give her an answer.

We were putting away laundry and the short story is that she asked about putting clothes away for MeiMei Rorrie to wear. Then she asked when you would be coming home. She had me in tears in seconds.

She asked if you would be home for her birthday, which is just over a week away. I said "No, Honey she won't be". She asked if you would be coming home after we get back from Mickey's World. Again I had to say "No, Honey". She then asked if you would home before her next birthday. And I once again had to say "No". She then looked up at me with tears brimming in her eyes and said.... "MaMa is MeiMei Rorrie ever coming home?" I had to tell her I didn't know. She asked me why and I told her that we had not heard back from the officials in China. She remembers and understands that we sent a letter to China to ask to adopt a little girl from the big room.

Then your big sister looked up at me with tears streaming down her face and said... "But MaMa I already love her to buckle bits!" I sat holding her in the rocking chair crying with her. I didn't have anything to tell her. My heart was breaking.

The saying I love you to buckle bits comes from my Mom. I don't know where it comes from but I can remember hearing it from when I was a kid. My Mom says it to your siblings all the time and they say it to us often.

It was a hard rest of the day. I kept seeing your sister's face with tears streaming down it. I hate not having and answer for her. She is going to be a great big sister again, if this adoption ever happens. She has such a big heart to already love you so much. I'm sure she will prance around proudly with your picture should it ever arrive.

I did some checking around on numbers today. I can't seem to find a November 2005 Yahoo groups to see the number of members. But I did find a October 2005 one at about 381 members and the March 2006 group has 423 members as of today. It will take them 6 months to complete November 2005 (and that is not counting the last match group that finished out October 2005 that included November 1st) so it looks like March 2006 is going to be an extra long time too. This will mean that my estimates for referral time goes from November 2008 (best case) to January 2009 (best case). This will have us having to redo our Immigration approval a third time.

So I am finding it hard to get to sleep tonight. I will send my kisses on the wind now and try to find a mind numbing game to play to try and get to sleep.

Kiss... Kiss...Kiss